Category Archives: dissociative identity disorder

Am I twelve?

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When I can’t sleep I have this strange habit of downloading music from itunes in the wee hours of the morning. I woke up one recent morning and noticed that I downloaded songs from Glee. I laughingly conveyed this to a friend of mine who just said, “What are you twelve?”

Well, actually, yes, at times I am twelve, and five, and other ages I’m not aware of yet.

In all honesty, I don’t mind that the 12 year old likes to hear Glee songs because the 40 year old me feels dumb downloading them. So, it secretly pleased me to find these songs on my phone.

Sometimes there are some strange benefits to DID.

What to do with Sabrina

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I told Doc today about Sabrina.

We got off on rocky footing.

I cried, felt misunderstood.

He apologized.

Apparently, I need to get to know her.

But how?

I want to do the right thing, but I am scared.

Shutting my laptop down now as I am freaked out on many levels.

Finding Sabrina

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I found another peep, another alter … and I am scared.

She’s a problem, and her name is Sabrina.

I’ve been aware of Sabrina’s behaviors before now, but it occurred to me this weekend that everything I’ve observed makes up an alter. I always thought I was just crazy in another form. Now at least I know what form of crazy I am.

While sitting during an acoustic jazz concert I became aware that she was trying to tell me her name. I should probably stop going to concerts because I find that I dissociate or switch during them. I’ve no idea why, and it’s vexing because I enjoy live music.

It became a battle between Beatriz and Sabrina.

I won in the end, but I lost time afterwards, then fell asleep. But at least I didn’t do what Sabrina wanted. I’ll just say it would have been a backwards step, a slip, a let-down.

Sabrina wanted Jack, but Jack is my friend. We managed to get home without disastrous moves.

I’m exhausted from the experience.