Keep trying

I am about to enter the 2nd anniversary of the start of the pandemic’s impact. For me, the impact started in early March 2020, and I have to say that I’ve perfected the art of isolation since then. On a positive note, I think it has made me a better employee as it is easier to conceal my DID and PTSD as a remote worker. It’s certainly easier to cope with a difficult day working remotely. I can get it together enough for a video meeting, but then exhale and just let myself be as soon as it is over, instead of having to contend with colleagues and managers seeing me look out of sorts. Ironically, I received my best performance rating ever during the pandemic. It has felt strange to achieve professional success during a global pandemic, especially with the knowledge that the pandemic may have helped me achieve that success.

However, I’ve never been good at keeping in touch with friends. It’s always been a struggle for me, and I don’t fully understand why. As I approach year two of this pandemic, I see that the impact for me personally has been less consistent connections with friends. I want to be better, yet I am aware that I become frozen with the thought of even starting to reach out to friends. I had a therapist once who theorized that this reluctance could come from the feeling of safety that comes from being alone. It’s lonely, but it’s safe. In the past, people were not safe, and it can be hard to undo that lesson because not all people are unsafe.

I thought I would start with posting on this blog for the first time in a very long time, over a year, in fact. I am going to keep trying to keep, or rather, pick up those connections with friends. Here’s to a new year!

3 thoughts on “Keep trying

  1. I get it – I mean, the part about it being harder and harder to connect with friends. I find myself in the same boat — it is very easy to forget there are people outside in real life outside of work and home.

    the pandemic sucks. But I am happy that it has proved helpful in some ways for you at work!

  2. Hi, Beatriz! Great to see you here again! Happy New Year! I’m glad you reached out with this blog post. I have thought of you over the last couple years and hoped that you were doing OK. Especially with the pandemic. It can be scary, but I’m glad you’ve found a silver lining. Being an introvert, I have no problem with being alone for long periods of time, and as a writer, I relish it. But I’m glad to hear from friends as well. And from what they’ve said to me, they’re glad I reach out. I hope you have that experience with your friends. I hope 2022, despite the pandemic, will be a successful, healthy, and productive year for you! Looking forward to hearing from you again! Take care — Cinda

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