This is a blog about PTSD, dissociative identity disorder, recovery from alcoholism, recovery from love addiction, and plain old hard won self-awareness. I like to keep all the updates as they’ve occurred because the chronology is instructive.
Dear reader, you will likely see time gaps between posts and updates. In recent years, I’ve had trouble writing. I don’t fully understand why I’ve had this challenge. I’m trying to be kinder to myself about this fact.
Here’s an update on my parts: (I’ve learned there is much ongoing learning of parts)
Secret is Sally. After many years, I was finally able to hear a name for this part. I believe car trauma is still how this part came to be.
Kayla is a new part to me. I discovered her last October. Too soon to talk about how I came to discover her. She’s in her late teens.
Thank you for visiting my site!
Originally this was a PTSD blog. I thought PTSD was going to be the main focus. However, that idea bit the dust last summer, August 2012, when I discovered that I did not have the whole picture. At that time my psychiatrist gave me the first indication that he thought I might have dissociative identity disorder.
Those of us I’ve discovered thus far:
Letty – 10 years old (she may now be integrated with Ronnie)
Belle – her age is difficult to pinpoint, though she does sound like she’s between 8 – 10 years old. She exists to take on the despair and suicidal ideation. Belle holds intense feelings of loneliness, isolation and despair. She is only now learning to feel positive emotions.
Secret – between 9 – 12 twelve years old, she was apparently created in response to terrifying car situations as a child
I will add alters to this list if/when I discover any others. I hope this blog provides an informative look at one person’s experience with DID.
Original “About” post
I’ve been aware of my PTSD since 2008, and I’ve been in treatment for it since then. I learned that I’ve likely had PTSD since childhood. Until I went into sobriety nearly 4 years ago, I didn’t realize that I had been drinking to self-medicate the effects of my PTSD. I’ve been to outpatient treatment programs, and I’ve even been to McLean Hospital for a residential stay in their trauma disorders program. There is nothing I won’t do to try to recover from this condition.
I’m doing a whole lot better these days. But even with progress, this disease rears it’s head at the most inopportune of times. Unbelievably, I’ve been able to remain employed. I’m a professional working in program operations. I’ve had to take FMLA leave for times I’ve been destabilized. Even with the progress I’ve made, there are still challenges in my day-to-day life. Though I wish it weren’t so. I am writing this blog to give others a window into the daily challenges of someone with PTSD.