a hiatus of sorts

I did not intend to go on hiatus. It just happened.

This is me trying to come back to the blog. Hell, this is me trying to come back in many respects.

And, as usual, anytime I’ve been gone from the blog for a good bit, it is very hard to come back. Or rather, the writing of a blog post is what’s hard. 

With an anonymous mental health blog, many of us inevitably share it with people close to us. I still share it with very few people. But the fact is, I’ve had people figure out that this is my blog. My Freshly Pressed post from this past March cause some people to connect the dots, and that’s how more people know who I am. 

As a result, one particular person who I know is reading this blog has not been a good person to have in my life. Wish I could elaborate, but they are reading this blog. And this person still thinks they have power over me. I will say this:

To the person who thought they could call the shots:

You underestimated my strength, and my intelligence. I have a mental illness, but that does not mean I am stupid. I am in the middle of one of the biggest challenges of my life. Separately from this challenge, I am going though integration. and it is incredibly bewildering at times. The strangeness of it too often causes me to say, “Who the fuck am I?”

You are the largest disappointment in all of this. I thought more of you, but I was wrong. Someday the world around you will learn the real you. You can’t keep up the charade forever. 

I miss the person I thought you were. I now know I was blind to the real you. Funny … I miss that blindness. 

You no longer scare me. 

No matter what happens, I will be okay. 

P.S.

Stop reading my blog. 

5 thoughts on “a hiatus of sorts

  1. Good to see the strong woman you are standing up and showing her colors! Please remember, you have no control, really, who reads your blog. It’s out there. People read it — strangers and friends alike. All you can control is how you think about it and what you do. I recommend not to dwell on it — in fact, let it go. Focus on what you write, what you choose to share.

    Take care of yourself!
    Cinda

  2. I had this happen. It was a total nightmare at first. I freaked out then did what you are doing, I remembered myself. I am not a little girl anymore.
    From day one I swore that I’d never change what I say on my blog just because someone I don’t want reading reads. I can’t stop them from reading, wouldn’t even try. I simply ignore them, they aren’t in my life and they aren’t and can not affect the truth spilled on 12 long years of blog pages. It took a bit for me to go, okay, so they’re reading, ….. and??? These people aren’t in my life anymore. I don’t see them at all. I hope this is the same for you because it will make it easier to blog on.
    Faith

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