I heard from my sister,Cate, unexpectedly. Previously, I wrote about how we had lost our connection. It turns out that she has been struggling herself with personal issues. All this time, Cindy, my therapist had advised me that Cate not speaking to me was not about me, that it was about the fact that I reminded her of the trauma we went through, and that my PTSD further reminded her of that trauma. She tried to convince me that Cate’s absence in my life was not a reflection of how she felt about me. No matter how hard she tried to convince me of this, I still was left feeling like my sister had had enough of me.
All of this made sense, but I couldn’t buy the entire theory. I just felt hurt, and abandoned by Cate. I thought I was an annoyance in her life. It turns out that Cindy was right. Cindy is usually right. One would think I would have figured this out by now since I’ve been seeing her for a few years.
Cindy has tried to convince me that trauma survivors often think that a sudden absence of a person in our lives is because of us, or something we’ve done. She’s tried to teach me that sometimes people absent themselves from our lives for reasons that have little or nothing to do with us. I think I’m finally starting to get the concept that she’s been talking to me about for a few years. I’m a slow learner. 🙂
I’ve had people absent themselves from my life too. And even when they have specifically stated that they they are going through their own stuff, it’s hard not to think it’s about me and take it personally. It’s hard isn’t it.
Yes! It is very, very hard. I think for me it feels like rejection again from childhood. It’s like I’m stuck in the childhood movie.
well now i am looking at myself thinking that this is something i need to learn. i didn’t know this was a symptom of ptsd or because of abuse…
It could be. For me I know it’s because of my past trauma that I tend to think this way. It’s very for me to undo this way of thinking, but I’m trying.
it is really hard to undo years of brainwashing! i’m sorry it is a struggle for you too!
Doesn’t matter how slow you learn. These lessons are hard! Much harder than your usual maths lesson right! X
Yes! These are hard, hard lessons. Years later I’m still working on them. I’d almost rather do maths, and I hated maths. 🙂
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