Category Archives: alcoholism

I can’t believe I missed the Olympics …

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London Olympics 2012

This past Friday night, as I watched the opening ceremonies, I realized that I missed an entire Olympics four years ago. I had no idea of this fact until I was watching the ceremonies. I even had to look up where the previous Olympics were held in 2008. Apparently they were held in Beijing. Who knew? Looks like the rest of the world was aware of this fact.

This is significant because I always loved the Olympics. I remember my first Olympics that got my attention in 1984. I even bought a handbook with all the rules for every game in the Olympics. I held court in our living room with my Smurf sleeping bag for the entire run of the games. Though I am not an athlete, I love watching people strive for something they believe in, and I’ve always appreciated seeing people perform at the height of their passion. I have a soft spot for dreamers, and Olympians are dreamers just like us writers and artists.

But, I missed an entire Olympics in 2008. This fact is still amazing to me even as I type this post. The larger question is what happened?

Addictions happened. While the Olympics were taking place in Beijing I was about to hit bottom with my alcoholism and sex addiction, and I did hit bottom on August 28, 2008.

In retrospect, I can see that I replaced my passions with addictions to the point that there was little left of the real me. So, let it be a cautionary tale, if you find yourself setting your passions aside, ask yourself why. And, most importantly, what is replacing your passion?

I hope that every Olympics for the rest of my life I find myself sober on all addictive fronts, and pursuing all of my passions.

(Photo credit: Andrea Vascellari)

The pool

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swimming pool

The pool scares me. I just stare at it, and dip my toe in, while I try to figure it out.

My particular pool is a new friendship. I don’t get a lot of social invitations. Between my PTSD and depression, I’ve not socialized on any grand level in a long time. I do get out to see friends, but only a choice few, and not on any regular basis.

Jack is a new friend. He was originally a match.com date where we both mutually decided we weren’t right for each other. Then, shortly thereafter, he asked me via email  if I was interested in a friendship. In that moment I remembered asking Carlene in girl scouts if we could be friends, and she just gave me this uncomfortable look. In that moment when I read Jack’s email I thought to myself, “The rules changed? It’s ok to ask for friendship? Where have I been?”

I was invited over for dinner, and you would have thought my elation meant I had been asked to the ball. Something as seemingly pedestrian as a dinner invitation does not come around very often for me. When I was actively alcoholic I was known as the “fun girl” and I had plenty of social invitations, but the transition into sobriety has not been smooth socially. There’s no other way to say it. It’s been lonely.

We made dinner, and talked. We really talked, not just news, weather and sports bullshit which bores me.

I enjoyed his company, but I didn’t want to like it too much. I think I’ll stay in the shallow part of the pool for now.

(Photo credit: freefotouk)