I’ve gained my bearings back, for which I m very grateful. It’s a good thing because I’ve received some news that needs my attention. Doc told me that the insurance company will not pay for my neurofeedback sessions. So, if I want to continue them I will have to pay for them out of pocket. FYI everyone, neurofeedback is seen as experimental for PTSD by insurance companies in the United States.

I am not sure that I can afford the extra charge for the neurofeedback sessions, but they have been tremendously helpful to me. I’m considering taking a loan out on my pension to do this. It’s a very reasonable interest rate, but in the back of my mind I was going to take out such a loan as a down payment on a house.

I know I’ve talked about the travails of considering purchasing a home. I’ve done the math, and if I can come up with a down payment it would be cheaper for me to pay a mortgage. But all my medical expenses have precluded me from saving for such a thing. That is why my fallback was a loan against my pension.

Things could be a lot worse for me. I know this. At least I have a pension fund from which I can take a loan. Still though, all of these medical expenses put me further behind where I want to be in my life.

I’m pondering what to do. I’m even considering a second job. The things we do for mental health …