Thank you for the overcooked omelet

English: An omelet with ham, cheese, and a gar...

There’s a diner near my apartment that overcooks the omelets. My cheese omelet inevitably has that tell-tale brown crispiness on the edges with burnt blisters splotching up the whole thing. There’s a bit of a crispiness and a certain unusual chewiness to this omelet, and I love it! Every single time that omelet lands in front of me in that shape I smile and dig right into it.

Recently, it occurred to me why I like my omelets in this shape. Though I was often hungry as a child, my grandmother always made sure I had something to eat when I stayed with her. She would pour copious amounts of vegetable oil into the pan prior to pouring in my scrambled eggs. I had crispy, greasy eggs that were like no other eggs I had consumed prior to that time. I only knew powdery fake scrambled eggs and my grandmother’s version.

My grandmother was the poorest person I knew, but she always made sure I was fed, and never hungry. She’s the reason I love my eggs overcooked.

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An assignment I don’t want

I saw Doc yesterday, and we made some discoveries. For a couple of months I’ve been aware of Belle, another alter. I am scared of Belle. She wants to die ALL the time. I spend a great deal of my time and energy fighting her despair and wish to die. Doc’s theory is that Belle holds all the despair and depression from childhood. She holds that for all the rest of us so that we did not have to endure it. He asked me to get a journal just for Belle. I finally did that tonight, and I am afraid to write in it as Belle. I think Belle also experienced hunger for all of us. There were times that I was truly hungry as a child, too painful to even write about right now.

The new journal lies within my tote bag, and I fear even touching it because touching it would mean I would need to take the next step and open it to write.

One of my friends posted the video from lifevestinside.com below to Facebook. It’s actually a happy video, but it made me cry, specifically at 3:11 in the video. That’s when a man gives another man a hot dog and water, and in that moment, I felt myself tear up. I know I teared up because I know what it’s like to be hungry, and I know that look when you bite into something after being hungry for so long.

And that’s it. I can’t write anymore tonight.