You’ve dreaded it all night and all morning, but there’s no more dawdling. You’re there. You know you’re over due for an exam and that you need to be there. The waiting room is torture because prolonging the appointment is painful.
The last time you had such an appointment it was a disaster. The moment you were touched it was over. You were no longer in that exam room. Instead, you were back in that place where you were vulnerable and unsafe and you couldn’t get away. You wanted to get away, and you tried to get away to no avail.
You wound up having to call your therapist in the midst of that last exam so that you could get yourself out of the dissociation. It was the longest appointment you’d ever had, and you didn’t even finish your exam.
But this is today with a different doctor in a different office, and you’re even in a better place now. You like this doctor. Just tell yourself that this is Dr. Stan, not that other person. Dr. Stan is safe.
And, lo, and behold. He either remembers, or took good notes, or both, because he recalls that it’s better for you if he tells you exactly where he’s going to touch you before he touches you. For example, he’ll say, “Now I’m going to touch your stomach.” That was actually the one you dreaded the most. At that point you were calm enough that you even jokingly said, “Aww! Not my favorite! Really?”
Before you knew it the appointment was over, and you were fine. Dr. Stan did say that it was time for you to start thinking about getting a pap smear. You said, “Fine, another day.” But not today because today was a good day.
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