Try, try again

Sunday was one of those days where I had to try a lot of things in order to try to not feel shaky and anxious. Waking up at noon after being unable to sleep until after 3 am did not help matters. I finally just got dressed, and went to the nearby coffee shop to write and finish homework. While in the coffee shop my anxious state did not improve.

So, to make things even more challenging I told myself I would go to an AA meeting at 5 pm. I drove to the other side of town for this meeting. But again I got freaky the closer I got to the meeting, so I quickly turned into the Barnes and Noble parking lot, and went in there instead.

Finally, the serenity of the bookstore started to calm me down, and I decided to stay there, and skip the meeting. Then it came to me, I would go home and make Irish meat pies. I went to Ireland in April, and I felt very peaceful there. I thought meat pies would bring back that feeling of serenity.

So I made meat pies, as you can see. They turned out okay, could be tastier. But, the cooking smells and the activity got me out of my head, and I started feeling better. Yay!

Today I kept up the activity in the kitchen, and I made watermelon aguas frescas, which is basically watermelon, ice, lime, and sugar blended together. It’s a favorite drink from a childhood near the Mexican border.

I know this post may make no sense … PTSD and food? But, I’ve learned that, if I am able, sometimes I just have to keep trying different things until I feel better. There are times when I am so triggered that doing anything in the kitchen is out of the question. I can’t tell you how many cartons of buttermilk I’ve thrown out with the intentions of making muffins, but then getting so triggered I never got to making them, and then the buttermilk went bad.

Yesterday turned around, and today was not bad. Sometimes trying enough things until something works will change things for the better. It’s not a guarantee, but I’ve never felt worse by trying different things.

4 thoughts on “Try, try again

  1. One day at a time. Your blog is very raw, open, and insightful. Thank you for sharing your journey… I know some people may not understand the PTSD triggers, but I just try to keep my hand away from the stove. Anything and everything that is remotely close to taking me back… but it’s just one day at a time, and it looks like you’re going to make it to me. I’m not a doctor, but my philosophy on life is that if you just get out of bed every morning, the rest of the day will follow. Getting out of bed is a giant accomplishment… it’s so simple, but totally the secret to life.

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