The need for a new therapist leads to the inevitable therapist auditions. You start out with the false notion that you’re Broadway, and you can snag an Idina Menzel or Sutton Foster. It does not take long for reality to reveal itself to you. You are, indeed, not the Great White Way. Heck, you are not even a LORT theatre on the regional theatre circuit. You’re more akin to a summer stock theatre in the backwoods of northern Vermont, far from any amenities that A list or even B list actors are accustomed to having.
Such is the quest for a therapist when one has dissociative identity disorder (DID). You need an Idina Menzel or a Sutton Foster, but you’re summer stock in the far reaches of Vermont, and you are not going to find such a person. You look at your options, and think, shit, I should move. But let’s be real. You’re ensconced where you live with your career, apartment, gym, tea shop, etc. Plus, you know you’re not up for a geographical move. It’s not an option. Instead, your therapist options are limited.
Like all good theatre directors that make the most of their meager options, you choose the one with the most positive energy. That’s the only distinguishing factor since all 3 are equally credentialed. If this was Broadway, off-Broadway or even a LORT theatre she wouldn’t get a call back. But these are the dregs of summer stock, so you make the most of it, and she gets the part of Therapist. She’s thrilled, and you’re shamefully resigned.
It’s clear to you that you’re the jerk in this situation. No doubt. And the saddest part is that you don’t care. You’ve run out of patience with therapists that you have to manage. You should not have to be the one with the consistent wise mind time and time again.
But then you see that all out effort she’s putting forth, and you know she’s trying her best, and putting her best foot forward. But it is what it is, and a best fit it is not. You have to make the most of the situation. You’ve seen the gamut of DID therapists out there. This is the best of the lot. You are not going to find Idina or Sutton. This is it, so make the most of it.
A Year in the Life of PTSD 
This post is perfection. As an avid fan of B’way (especially Idina and Sutton- both of whom I’ve seen perform on stage) this is the perfect analogy for finding a new therapist. Which I’m currently in the process of doing. I actually reference the idea of “auditioning” a lot during interviews, except at this point it feels like I am the one auditioning because I’m such a difficult headcase with this ridiculous diagnosis. *Sigh*
This is so true (and done with a good sense of humor!)
When you get a therapist to play the role the way you want it played, will you be able to ease your need for control? Will you know how to play the role of vulnerable patient who deals with emotions without the option of addictions? Will your lust for a beautiful tragedy overshadow the need to heal so that you no longer hurt so deeply?
Faith
Excelllent questions, my friend.
I’m so happy you weren’t mad about me asking. It took me two hours to post that comment. LOL. I was like, should I or should I not. What a relief. I haven’t offended you. Sheshh….
Oh no, not at all … I know your questions come from an intuitive and well-meaning place. I always appreciate good questions, especially since I ask them for a living.
Also, I respect those that can see the truth in my writing.
Most don’t know anything about mind control or ritual abuse, two of the major causes of DID. I love it when they tell me how much they learned from me as I write my check.
An interesting way of looking at the therapist search. I interviewed prospective therapists as my prospective employees. They are that, after all. I needed someone with excellent boundaries, and who was fair and honest, as well as having the expertise to guide me in my healing. I understood that I would heal myself. The therapist was there to guide me, to ask the questions I didn’t know, to support me when I felt vulnerable, and to help me sort out my emotions. The one I chose I still see occasionally for tune-ups.
I’m glad you’ve found a new therapist. I do hope this one is truly helpful.
In the Uk we have the NHS free medical care and Therapists are allocated rather than being our choice. I’m not so sure what I would do if I were in your position of having to go through their “auditions.” It might make me feel like the one who has too much control or say over who fits and who doesn’t. I hope you’re managing to find a way through it
Pingback: Have you ever run into your own therapist at a 12 step meeting? | A Year in the Life of PTSD
Pingback: One never knows what comes next | A Year in the Life of PTSD