Tag Archives: Dissociative identity disorder

Hi from Letty

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Hi guys

It’s Letty. I am ok tonight. We are doing better now. Beatriz cooked at Dan’s house last night. He had us come over to make him a dinner because he knows that helps Beatriz feel better. She likes to cook. We had pork chops and carrots and kale AND some nice rolls. Beatriz then made banana nutella hand pies. I like those a lot.

I talked to Doc today and told him I was mad that Beatriz told the lady at work about us cause I wanted her to lie. He said that its not a bad thing that Beatriz does not lie. I don’t know. I just wish the lady did not know about me. But she seems nice. I just feel better undercover. I like to hide. I feel better when I hide and can see people.

Beatriz forgot to leave the light on near the door. We came home and it was all very very dark. I got scared. Didn’t like it. Beatriz was sorry. She just forgot to leave the light on cause we were in a hurry this morning. The dark is very scary. I don’t like it. I wish there was never any dark anywhere in the world.

Sincerely,

Letty  – 10 years old

A strange blessing in alarming news …

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In the throes of suicidal ideation I received a phone call from my bank’s risk management unit. Apparently, my debit card number was stolen, and suspicious charges were made in another part of the country that I have never set foot in my entire life. The charges were flagged as suspicious, and when I confirmed that they were not my charges they shut down my account. Sooo … I have to wait until tomorrow to get access to my account again.

In the mean time, I will be going to the grocery store with a credit card. It feels weird to charge groceries. But, I am thankful that it was caught in time, and that my funds are now safe.

I don’t know if it’s in bad taste to point this out, but the whole whoo-ha around this thing sprung me back to life. It’s kind of like I came back to life. When I get that feeling of wanting to die it often feels like it’s not me, especially with the cacophony of voices in my head that tries to compel me to do awful things to myself.

It is so freaking weird how I feel like myself again. Geesh! Is it a blessing my debit card number was compromised?

I have a splitting headache, the kind that I recognize that’s associated with switches. Time to make a green smoothie.

I really don’t appreciate this DID thing …

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I know, I’ve heard it from Doc already. The dissociation helped me cope with traumatic events in my childhood. Yes, I know this, but I still do not like this knowledge that I now possess. I’m not saying it’s better not to know. I would always rather know the truth. I’m just struggling with the reality of DID.

I find myself even more fearful of social situations because I don’t want to inadvertently switch. I know this can happen because it has happened to me in the past now that I’ve been able to go back in time and connect the dots in my chaotic life.

There is this wish and desire to be fully functional and really living life. But I am tired, very tired from all the detours, diagnoses, and setbacks.

Dear God, help me find a way to functionality. I don’t want to live this way for the rest of my life.