I know, I’ve heard it from Doc already. The dissociation helped me cope with traumatic events in my childhood. Yes, I know this, but I still do not like this knowledge that I now possess. I’m not saying it’s better not to know. I would always rather know the truth. I’m just struggling with the reality of DID.
I find myself even more fearful of social situations because I don’t want to inadvertently switch. I know this can happen because it has happened to me in the past now that I’ve been able to go back in time and connect the dots in my chaotic life.
There is this wish and desire to be fully functional and really living life. But I am tired, very tired from all the detours, diagnoses, and setbacks.
Dear God, help me find a way to functionality. I don’t want to live this way for the rest of my life.