Dear Hiring Manager

Dear Hiring Manager,

Thank you for the job offer. Honestly, it’s actually a miracle that someone wants to hire me, let alone promote me. So, really, thank you from the bottom of my gracious heart.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your point of view, I must respectfully decline your offer.

Earlier this week I resolved that I was going to decline this offer, and then yesterday when you called me to offer me the position I was no longer sure of my decision to decline so I asked for time to think about it. You have no idea how hard it was for me to tell you that I need an alternate work schedule because of my medical condition. No, I did not tell you what my medical condition is, but I can only imagine what’s spinning through your head as possibilities. You might think to yourself, “Geesh! Twice a week appointments? Is she dying, or is she crazy?”

Yes, I’m that employee that needs a reasonable accommodation, and there may come a time when I need leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act. And let me tell you that it breaks my heart that I come this way. I wish I could just accept your job with no special accommodations. I recognize that I come with complications and red tape, but I make up for that in the fact that I love what I do, and I twist myself into knots making sure I do the best job I can every day.

I know now that I am not ready to take this step. It’s such a hard thing to admit, and my vision just went glassy with the tears that well up as I write this. I have this thing called dissociative identity disorder. The best way to describe it is that there are different parts of me that have their own functionality. This was caused by childhood trauma, and this fractured system is no longer necessary for survival, but, unfortunately, there it is chugging along as if it’s still needed. I’m in the process of integrating my different selves so that I no longer have this issue, but it’s easier said than done, and it’s actually rather complicated, and messy, and chaotic.

Today my boss said this to me: “When I first met you years ago I told my husband that very soon you would be in a leadership position because you are so good at what you do. But then all that stuff happened to you that set you back, and it makes me sad for you because I know you should be in a higher position. But I like to think, and I hope it’s true, that I’m supportive of your healing and your integration. I like to think that I help to provide a supportive environment for you here. I want so badly for you to be integrated, and ready for that next step in your career. I know I’m your boss, but I’m telling you this as a friend.”

After I digested all of that from my boss I realized that I have something unique where I am. I’m not where I want to be in my career, but I’m where I need to be for me. This is where I need to be, impatience on my part aside.

It is nice to know that in spite of all my issues, somehow, I’m still employable, and still promotable. Thank you for that.

Beatriz

13 thoughts on “Dear Hiring Manager

  1. You have the boss of the forever and kudos to you for seeing that. Also, I know that her assessment of your potential is spot on. I may not know you personally, but at one point in my life I was you…
    Life, Love, Hugs and Faith to you.

  2. “The best way to describe it is that there are different parts of me that have their own functionality. This was caused by childhood trauma, and this fractured system is no longer necessary for survival, but, unfortunately, there it is chugging along as if it’s still needed.”

    Well said, and thanks for your perspective on this… such a simple thought yet it was very thought provoking for me.
    Thanks!

  3. Pingback: Fork in the road | A Year in the Life of PTSD

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