You spotted me in the AA meeting from afar, you with your brainy glasses and that Irish je ne sais quoi air about you. I had 30 days sober, and you had two weeks under your belt. They always say to never pair up like this in AA in early sobriety. How many of us who don’t heed this advice think that we’re the exception? We all think we’re special and that we’ll be the exception to the rule.
I was well-behaved at first. I greeted you, and then quickly exited the meeting. But then later that day I saw you at Starbucks. You were intently reading The Big Book. I was reading something else, and will always read something else other than the damned Big Book. We politely smile at each other, but then after a while you invite me to join you at your table. As we leave Starbucks one of the gals from AA walks in and sees us together. She gives us that knowing judgmental look, and I don’t give a shit. To this day, even with everything that happened, I would do it all over again. I would do it again because the soul does not find a kindred spirit in every lifetime.
Talking to you felt like I had a front row seat to your spirit. There is so much about you that I connected with that I have trouble writing about it because my brain can hardly handle the beauty of your kindred spirit.
Remember the time I was so jacked up by my boss at work that you asked me out to a cafe before a meeting? You gave me the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It was just the book I needed, but more than that, you wrote me something lovely in Gaelic in the front of the book. Unfortunately, I no longer recall the translation of what you wrote, but I treasure that you wrote me something in Gaelic, could have been your grocery list, and I would have treasured it as well.
You asked me to the New Year’s Eve AA dance, and it broke my heart to tell you no. It was a dream come true to be asked by you, but I knew it was too soon for us. I wanted nothing more than to accompany you to the dance. Your face fell when I told you I could not accept, and my heart just heaved with sadness. I knew it would be the only time you would ask me out, somehow I just knew.
A couple of weeks later you disappeared, and I knew you were drinking again. I actually felt it a few days prior to your disappearance. I could feel the shifts in you when you were headed towards the demons instead of away from them. It always irritated you that I had that knack. Trust me, I wish I didn’t have it because I always knew when you were going to pick up a drink. My soul would tense up, and pinch me with a warning. I would berate it to shut up, but it was right every single time.
Thank you for introducing me to Christy Moore, the Gaelic language, and for your thorough explanation as to why you and your family do not like Margaret Thatcher. This uninformed American never knew. Right now, I’m listening to “The Irish Rovers” hoping you are well, but my soul is pinching me back so I’ll make it a wish and a prayer instead.
A Year in the Life of PTSD 
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oh, how can anyone resist that intellectualism with that accent, especially if he made you feel fab? I am glad this left with you some sweet memories in there, at least.
Yes, I try to focus on the sweet memories with him.
I love how this is written I also loved how your soul “pinched” it is always so wonderful when we run into those kindred spirits don’t you agree?
It IS awesome how we can run into such spirits in life. We always want to hang on to them longer than we are able. Kindred spirits are such a rare and beautiful life experience.
Beatriz
Beatriz yes they sure are 😉
Hope all is well and you are staying with the program!
Hi,
Thanks for dropping by. Proud to be in recovery.
Beatriz
Relapse is sometimes part of recovery…….. we all fall at one point or another…… the point is to get back up again.
VERY INOVATING I ENJOYED IT A LOT!!!1
Thank you!
Reblogged this on and commented:
nice
nice
Many thanks!
My pleasure…
Going down and coming up is a task. Maintain your course and full speed ahead.
Thanks!
Man… This was like a kick to the gut, I relate to this more than I can ever explain.. Great writing. And totally agree about the big book, you will never find me reading it after one of the meetings..
I tried to like the Big Book, but, alas, it is not in me to like it at all. So, I’ve accepted that it’s not for me. But, that does not mean that sobriety is not. Sobriety and recovery are definitely for me.
Keep with it. It’s worth it.
The emotion and poignancy is amazing in this piece of writing. You could have a novel shaped around this short piece alone. Really well written.
Awe … thanks for the great compliment. The piece just flowed out in less than 10 minutes. It’s like it leaped onto the page. That never happens!
Beatriz
Beautifully written. Good luck on your journey.
Thank you, Vincent! It’s a journey full of lessons!
Beatriz
Reblogged this on serenitysearcherii.
Best of luck with your recovery. Hope your Irish pal makes it back again. I enjoyed this, well done.
Thank you. I also hope that he makes it back someday.
This is so beautiful. The Irish chef sounds so sweet and amazing!
Yes, he was very sweet with a beautiful heart. I miss him.
He sounds amazing. Meet people like him is just awesome.
I have been reading my little big book and some parts I definitely feel are not for me. I find comfort in it sometimes though.
Michel 🙂
Oh, yes, parts of it are comforting. I did like The Keys to the Kingdom and The Promises. I will admit that I love The Promises.