There are moments where I let my brain play a certain game, and I call it, “None Of This Really Happened.” I start to try to convince myself that all of the dissociation, PTSD, depression is all in my head. My head made it all up. I have an active imagination, so let’s just move on. Let’s call up the entire family, and have a reunion.
Then I will erase all traces of DID and PTSD from my mind and body. All will be well, and I can resume a normal life again.
I want to call up all the people that have ever been scared off from my life because of the chaos of PTSD and DID, and I want to tell them such chaos will never happen again. We can go back to a normal friendship.
The almost-boyfriends and former boyfriends that fled from me with legitimate concern and worry, I want to tell them that the madness is behind us. I’m a “normal” person now that is fit for a relationship.
I want to say to everyone that I am sorry for my freakdom, and it will never happen again.
I wish it could be this simple, as simple as an over active imagination.