There are moments where I let my brain play a certain game, and I call it, “None Of This Really Happened.” I start to try to convince myself that all of the dissociation, PTSD, depression is all in my head. My head made it all up. I have an active imagination, so let’s just move on. Let’s call up the entire family, and have a reunion.
Then I will erase all traces of DID and PTSD from my mind and body. All will be well, and I can resume a normal life again.
I want to call up all the people that have ever been scared off from my life because of the chaos of PTSD and DID, and I want to tell them such chaos will never happen again. We can go back to a normal friendship.
The almost-boyfriends and former boyfriends that fled from me with legitimate concern and worry, I want to tell them that the madness is behind us. I’m a “normal” person now that is fit for a relationship.
I want to say to everyone that I am sorry for my freakdom, and it will never happen again.
I wish it could be this simple, as simple as an over active imagination.
A Year in the Life of PTSD 
I think this is the worst feeling ever! I call mine lying brain.
That is a good name for it. I have a friend that also calls it lying brain. It can really mess with your mind.
i wish it were for all of us tool! xo
Indeed!
I think like this so often… sigh.
I realized today that it’s not good to do this to myself … but it’s an easy thing to fall into …
I sometimes wonder what it would be like to wake up one morning and it is all gone
It’s the big dream for all us, isn’t it? I don’t know why I got thinking this way …
I completely understand!!! Can’t tell you how often I’ve felt the same way. And then I read your vulnerable post and it snaps me back into facing my own trauma/lack of knowing.
Blessings to you, warrior.
Thank you for your supportive words and thoughts. It means a lot to me.
You bet…with you.