Tag Archives: triggers

Fear of living

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Fear is in the driver’s seat. It’s the driving force of too many things right now.

You’re afraid to walk, afraid to drive, afraid to breathe.

You’re even afraid to write. You feel as if you almost don’t know how to write anymore. You are stuck, stuck like hell, and you don’t know how to get out of it.

If only the feeling of sinking deeper into a hole would go away.

+++

I should write.

Write about what?

… the fact that I’m utterly and completely freaked out …

… that I’m stuck, but time continues ticking on, and I have to catch up at some point, but I don’t know how …

… that my my fall on Thursday that landed me on the back of my head has me afraid of everything, afraid of losing my ability to walk, my livelihood … though my head is fine, my brain is now chronically freaked out …

But, I can hardly write, hardly breathe, and it appears there’s no way out.

For pizza’s sake

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Hi guys,

It’s Letty here! Beatriz is letting me blog today on here. I am so happy to blog for you guys.

We went to my favorite store for pizza today. We tried going yesterday but they ran out of pizza slices. I was mad cause there was no pizza for me. I want to reserve pizza slices but Beatriz says we can’t reserve slices. That’s dumb that we can’t reserve slices.

But today there was pizza!

pizzaFor pizza’s sake! They only had two slices! But I still took them! They had red peppers and onions in them, and the crust was not too crunchy.

Then I had to have veggies. Blah!

kaleIt’s kale with squash and stuff. It was okay.

The table had nice flowers.

flowers coopI wanted to take the flowers home, but Beatriz said that they weren’t for taking. So I smelled them. But I guess I smelled them too long cause Beatriz said I needed to put them down. Oh well.

I had pizza and I got to look at flowers today. It was a good day.

Bye everybody!

Letty

 

This is why fireworks suck

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Fireworks #1

You throw your tote bag into your car, and you start creating a mental grocery list of things you’ll pick up at the grocery store: onions, feta cheese, kale, corn tortillas -you’re in the mood for your famous kale tacos. Then there’s a huge boom. You’re not sure if it’s bullets or a bomb or something else, but it’s in the vicinity, and sky is lit up, and you feel yourself start to cower. Somehow, comprehension sinks in and you realize it’s fireworks. For some bizarrely stupid reason there are fireworks in November somewhere near you.

You sit in your car trying to get your bearings. You sit and sit and sit and sit. You’re floaty and scared and hungry and freaked. You have the car running, and you don’t want to run out of gas, but you see the gas gauge is close to empty. It’s been at least 30 minutes, so you decide to head to the grocery store since the fireworks are long since done, and your’e calmer now.

Or, so you thought you were calmer. You’re driving, and you’re nearly to the grocery store, and you see flashing red and blue lights behind you. You pull over into the parking lot of the neighborhood diner, and you’re confused. You don’t know what you did, or what happened to merit getting pulled over by the police. You’re scared, scared, scared …

“Ma’am, you don’t have to get out of the car. License and registration please.”

“What … what did I do wrong?”

“License and registration please, and then we’ll talk.”

“Okaaayy …”

“Ma’am, are you feeling okay tonight? You were driving on the shoulder for a good while there. I followed you for a bit to see if you would correct it. What have you been up to tonight?”

“I … I … I was at the coffee shop, and I was putting my things in the car when fireworks started nearby, and I needed to wait before I drove because I was … startled.”

“Ma’am, is something wrong?”

“I … have … PTSD, and the fireworks … really … startled me. I’m sorry.”

“Ma’am, is there anything I can do for you?”

“No, sir.”

“You know, ma’am, this diner is a nice place to eat if you need to relax for a bit. I’m not giving you a ticket or anything like that. Have a good night.”

(Photo credit: Camera Slayer)