The workplace on the eve of a holiday weekend is a buffet of questions. Questions about the weekend, children, and the like. People are nosy …
“It’s a long holiday weekend. What are your plans, Beatriz?”
“Oh, you know, pick up my place a bit, do some reading and writing, relax.”
Translation: I will try not to dissociate too much, try not to lose too much time. Find the will to carry on, and not die. It will likely be another Saturday where I wake up feeling heavy, and it takes me hours to get in the shower, and then another good bit of time to get dressed. After that, there is no making breakfast or lunch in that apartment because I’m likely to lose more time the longer I stay there. The apartment is a fine apartment. This would be the case whether it was public housing or a penthouse off Central Park in NYC. It’s being alone that triggers the time loss and/or switching. It’s a holiday weekend, so I get to do this one extra day!
“Going anyplace special for the long weekend, Beatriz?”
“No, just staying close to home.”
Translation: You can see me at diners, coffee shops, restaurants and bookstores all weekend long. I do better around people, especially if I can just enjoy the sound of people without interacting with them. What makes me not like the others? Is it the mental illness? The DID?
“Do you own your own home?”
“Nope, I”m enjoying the benefits of having a landlord do all the maintenance.”
Translation: One of my biggest fears is not being well enough to work. The last thing I need on my mind is a 30 year mortgage. If I become too sick too work, it will be easier to deal with an apartment instead of a house with a mortgage. I would love to own a home, but as it is, I have trouble being in my apartment by myself. So, buying a house that needs to be maintained is not a good option for me.
“Are you married?”
“No, I’m not married.”
“Not married? How can that be … a beautiful woman like you?” (Yes, this was the actual reply. She must be confusing me with someone else.)
“Just not, it happens to the best of us.”
Translation: When you have issues such as PTSD, sex addiction, alcoholism, depression, and DID it’s not easy to be “like the others.” Perhaps people can’t put a finger on it precisely, but they can assess that you are different. These issues add up to some unwise relationship choices early on in adulthood, and, quite frankly, a lot of time was wasted with a couple of poor choices. That aside, I’m not exactly a shining choice as a partner at the moment as I’m in the midst of grappling with my new DID diagnosis.
“Do you have kids, Beatriz?”
“No, I don’t have kids, just waiting for the right time.”
Translation: Are you out of your mind? I may look fine at work, but the truth is that I can barely take care of myself. All of the effort expended to get to work on time and looking professional leaves me crazy tired by the end of every day, and especially the end of the week. It takes me longer than the average person to get my act together everyday for work. It’s the hardest thing I do everyday, though it’s easier now that I have a job I like, but it is still excruciatingly hard. I can’t trust myself not to lose time while parenting. Can you imagine the scene? “Ma’am, can you explain how your 3 year old broke a tooth trying to eat the remote control?” “Well, I must have lost time and switched … ”
Is there not some other single woman in this office you can accost with your nosy questions?
that just sucks! i hate when people ask me where i work or what i do for a living…it makes me feel like crap, i don’t know what to answer as i’m not able to work…the odd time i will say i can’t for medical reasons, but for a time, i just said i wasn’t right now as we have just moved or are moving…ugh! take one moment at a time, where here for you if you need! xo
Ugh! I have an idea…Tell the nosy people that you’re really a spy and you can’t divulge any classified info like personal info…or you’d have to kill them. Do it straight faced and I promise they’ll never ask you again. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for anything. You’re doing your thing right now and all of this is a phase. Just keep walking forward as you have. And maybe you’ll have fun being a spy. 🙂
Yes! This idea is excellent. I shall do that too 😉 I understand, B. A lot of people on WP seem to be writing my thoughts today. Be good to yourselves xox
Jumping’s right 🙂 Hang in there. You are not alone. Hugs
p.s. I also wanted to ask you but you don’t have to answer – it seems you do everything in your power to not switch… I am just wondering why. I know it is different for me because I don’t lose time with switches… is it a fear about what someone else would do? xx
Your question was the inspiration for today’s blog post! Thanks!
I think you handled answering the questions very well and am proud of you for holding your own, not divulging to un-equipped people what you are all about, and protecting your vulnerability. Well done! p.s. people are messy and nosy. We can’t change them, but we can change how we respond to them.
Nosy people like to talk about themselves, so a suggestion is when asked,” What are you doing this weekend?” Your reply could turn it back on them, “I was just wondering what YOU were doing this weekend?”