Some pieces are starting to come together in spurts. Just yesterday while I was plodding along trying to get myself together after being triggered I had a memory race across my brain.
Three years ago I decided to go to a 6 week partial hospitalization program at a nearby psychiatric hospital. It was the first time I entered a psychiatric hospital for treatment. I was crying, completely triggered and freaked out when I made the phone call to the intake phone line. After I spoke for a few short minutes, the woman on the phone asked me if she could speak to one of my parents. I was stunned! I didn’t understand why she said that. She seemed genuinely surprised when I told her how old I was, at the time I was 37!
Ever since that happened three years ago I’ve been stumped by it. I thought various things, such as was it because of the fact that I was crying that she thought I was a young child? But plenty of people cry on the phone as adults and don’t get mistaken for children … I’ve always wondered how that happened. It bothers me when I can’t understand or explain things.
Then it occurred to me yesterday that the woman on the intake phone line at the psychiatric hospital must have interacted with me while I had switched to a child alter. It finally made sense to me. Doc had mentioned to me on Friday that my intonation changes when I switch into a child alter. He can immediately tell when it happens.
It’s small, very small, but I like understanding, even if it’s only a small piece of the entire story.