Today is a discouraging day. I have a different job from the one I had when I was re-traumatized back in 2008 with a sexual assault on the job. I’m lucky in the sense that I still have a similar salary to the one I had before, but I no longer work in human resources. I left human resources in 2011 so that I could focus more on getting better. In my previous job I traveled a great deal, and it was hard to be consistent in keeping therapy appointments.

However, I find myself wanting to go back to human resources as I miss doing that work. But I’ve had trouble getting interviews. It’s a small HR world where I am, and my guess is that people likely know what happened to me. It’s just a guess on my part. I have no way of knowing if my perception is real. But before this happened to me I never had trouble getting interviews.

It feels like I will never walk out of the shadow of what happened in 2008. My drinking played a role in what happened to me in that I was not able to keep myself safe.

I’ve been sober for almost four years, and I know that having a job I loved helped to keep me sober.

After breaking down crying at work last week I wonder if I’m suitable to work. I want to be, but I find myself questioning my own capability now.

Tonight I am scared about my future. I want to be better, and need to be better. But, I guess Rome wasn’t built in a day.