Tag Archives: personal

a moral center

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How does one acquire a moral center?

Theories abound on this concept. Lately, though, I wonder how I acquired my moral center. Doc insists that there must have been some adult in my life with a positive influence, but I come up empty in trying to think of someone. I would love to know how one acquires a knowledge of right and wrong when there are few to no role models for such concepts.

Lately, I’m troubled by what I’m uncovering in therapy. I find myself wondering how I even have my moral code. How do we learn right from wrong with a childhood full of wrongs?

I once asked my sister Cate this question and she remarked, “The Cosby Show?” I laughed, but she may be on to something.

She can sing

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For as long as I can remember I have loved music. At one time I recall being able to sing and even singing in a children’s choir. One day the ability to sing was gone, just like that. Somewhere around 3rd or 4th grade I no longer had the ability to sing on key. It bothered me immensely, mostly because I loved to sing, and I just loved music. I followed around the school choirs that I could never join because music teachers would just shake their head no at me any time I even dared to try to join. I never understood why I cared so much about the damn choir.

Now it’s like I found the missing piece of the puzzle with the discovery that Ronnie can sing. We get in the car, and we sing and sing and sing. We sing everything – Pink, Fleetwood Mac, even Blake Shelton. Sometimes I try to sing, and it just falls flat. I try again, and it falls flat again. Finally, I just give in and let Ronnie sing. I let her sing, and I finally feel that void being filled that I’ve carried around since I stopped singing. She sings, and I feel the pure happiness the comes out of us from the sheer act of singing.

Apparently, Ronnie wants me to download the new Blake Shelton song, “Boys ‘Round Here.” It’s not age appropriate, but she has good taste.

Apparently this is progress

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The past couple of days have been tumultuous. Yesterday was the hardest. I felt stuck in a hazy fog. Doc says it’s normal, that this is progress. Really? I fail to see it.

It was hard because during the session I could not tell if it was Ronnie or Belle or someone else. Apparently this is because I am integrating. He says it’s good news, but that there will be times when I feel bad or even confused with my identity.

I learned something else … Ronnie can sing. I cannot sing, but Ronnie can. That has been a fun discovery.

All the DID fun has left me tired. That’s all I can write tonight.