I did it again, disappeared from the blog for a bit. It has been hard. The DID has scared and depressed me.
The new job is great, but I had something happen related to my previous employer that has had me triggered. I don’t want to be triggered. I don’t want to dwell on what happened. I want to not feel this way, but, still, I am triggered.
Doc and I had a talk about my diagnosis this week where he confirmed for me that DID is my actual diagnosis. This time I did not freak out, and I was happy that I was relatively calm during our conversation. I have been feeling low about it, but I suppose that’s better than freaking out.
I’ve been losing time at home, and I’ve started to feel like DID is my terrible secret. I’ve told 4 people who are close to me about my DID. Two have been supportive, and the other two refuse to believe that it’s a real condition. The 4 people I told are people close to me, and it makes me reluctant to tell anyone else, not that it’s information that I would freely share with people, but still …
Though I am not doing that great I think the new job has helped things a bit. I feel like I have more of a purpose there, and I certainly am motivated to be there even when I feel foggy.
I am beginning to believe that things will always be incredibly difficult …
thinking of you xo
This sounds hard. It’s hard when people don’t want to understand as well isn’t it. *hugs*
Yes, it is! It intensifies the isolation when people don’t want to or try to understand.
Regarding the difficulty of having DID, yes it is very difficult to find out you have it, and struggle to “make it “go away.” But as you work thru the shock,mm
Regarding the difficulty of having DID, yes it is very difficult to find out you have it, and struggle to “make it “go away.” But as you work thru the shock, confusion, anger and embarrassment, I hope you find some humor in it. The trauma that caused it isn’t funny; for years thinking you’re crazy isn’t funny. But one time when I was hospitalized for PTSD/DID, I was in a classroom of other patients with same diagnoses. The instructor took role and we just stared at him for we were each at
different levels of dissociation. I “came to” at some point
And asked the others, “How do you take roll in a DIDclass?” “Here.” “Not here.”
That IS funny! Yes, there is some humor at times. Doc has laughed when he realizes I’m 5 years old and being goofy.There are funny times, very true.