Tag Archives: personal

I really don’t appreciate this DID thing …

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I know, I’ve heard it from Doc already. The dissociation helped me cope with traumatic events in my childhood. Yes, I know this, but I still do not like this knowledge that I now possess. I’m not saying it’s better not to know. I would always rather know the truth. I’m just struggling with the reality of DID.

I find myself even more fearful of social situations because I don’t want to inadvertently switch. I know this can happen because it has happened to me in the past now that I’ve been able to go back in time and connect the dots in my chaotic life.

There is this wish and desire to be fully functional and really living life. But I am tired, very tired from all the detours, diagnoses, and setbacks.

Dear God, help me find a way to functionality. I don’t want to live this way for the rest of my life.

Letty is very mad

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This is Letty. I am very scared. The lady at work knows the secret. She knows and I don’t like it. The lady guessed it. And Beatriz can’t lie. She needed to lie. I was telling her DON’T SAY IT. But she did say it to the lady.

Then I wanted to get under the desk and Beatriz said no because we were at work. Then I wanted us to leave and Beatriz said no because work wasn’t over. When Beatriz started shaking in the ladys office the lady said to her, “you should work out such announcements with your people. I think some are not happy!”

I wanted to say Yeah! when she said this but Beatriz was keeping me from talking. I was happy when the lady started talking about work again. Oh I am mad mad mad. I can’t be a good Lookout if people know!

Oh crap …

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I was just talking to my boss, whom I’ve known for a number of years as a friend. Though she knows about my PTSD, I went to great lengths not to tell her about my DID. Well, today she inadvertently guessed that I have it. She did not do it maliciously, she was just guessing as to why I had a hard morning. I came in 20 minutes late, and told her i had a hard morning. She asked me what was hard about this morning, and I tried to be vague about the reason.

However, I must have told her enough for her to guess because she said, “maybe you have MPD.” I started shaking and twitching right there on the spot.

She felt bad, and said she didn’t mean to upset me, she was just offering up a possibility for my difficulties. I then admitted to her that I have DID.

I was floored with how supportive she was with this news. She said, “you’re working on it, that’s what counts. But, you know, for all the years I’ve known you, this makes sense.”

It was nice that she was supportive, but my peeps did not appreciate this surprise.