There is no easy way to put this. I am in an emotional meltdown. My therapist is out for a week with surgery, and my psychiatrist is new, and I am uncomfortable with calling him over the weekend. But, if I don’t improve by tomorrow I may be calling him because I am scaring myself with the depth of my hopelessness.
Today was a better day at work, but just a smidge. I didn’t break down, and I kept it together. But I certainly felt teary and on the verge of tears. I had this heavy feeling of dread that I could not shake. I made it through the day, and cried on the way home.
I got home, glumly ate dinner, and cried while I ate. My friend, Dave, called me to see how I was doing, and insisted on coming to get me. He brought me to his place, and I’m starting to feel somewhat safe again.
This morning was a huge fog. That is not unusual after a huge triggered event. I felt very dissociative, as if I was walking in huge swaths of cotton. My body was heavy and felt leaden. I found my electric toothbrush on it’s side, out of it’s stand. I always return it to it’s stand. This means that I’m losing time again. That has not happened in many months. Damn. I’m regressing, going backwards.
Hey, just came across your blog and just wanted to drop a note to say that I’m sorry to hear that things have got bad. I hope things get easier for you and you feel comfortable enough to make that call to the psychiatrist if you have to. take care, bourbon x
Hi! Thanks for the note. Today is a much better day. I stayed at a friend’s house last night, and that seemed to help.
Oh that is great 🙂 When I can persuade myself to go out and see friends I find it helps but it’s just the persuading myself to do it that I am finding hard at the moment!
I get that completely. My friend came over and insisted that I come over since I was “in the dark place.”