Letty did not want to leave my friend’s house today. It broke her heart to leave as we had been there all weekend. She cried in the car for much of the way home. It was a long two and a half hours home. It’s still disconcerting to have the awareness that there is a part of me that was upset with leaving, and another part that was very calm about it.
Honestly, it’s incredibly difficult to write about the inner details of my DID. This is why I write less than I used to a year ago, or at least that’s my theory.
I know I should write more, think more about why Letty gets upset when she anticipates being alone. But my brain just shuts down when I contemplate this, and when I start to write my brain goes blank as well.
Doc says there’s answers in how and why selves react to certain things.
But I suppose I’m not ready to do this yet because when I start to look at what Letty is feeling I get floaty.
All I can do is tell Letty that it will be okay. But I don’t know that it will be okay. It’s what I hope for us, more like a prayer, a wish, a hope set out into the universe every time it is uttered.
I can relate to this post so much. I have a hard time delving into my DID issues. And my mind too has a tendency to shut down, or get all floaty, when I try to figure out who is feeling what. So basically I have nothing useful to suggest, but thought it would help for you to know that you have readers who get it.
It very much helped to know that other readers like you get it. Thank you for commenting, and letting me know that I am not alone in this struggle. Many thanks, Beatriz.
Thinking of you. 🙂