This past Monday during a session with Doc I had the experience of a 5 year old version of me making an appearance. I tried writing about it afterwards, but the post was too hard for me to finish. I started writing the post as present-day Beatriz, then, before I knew it, I noticed that the 5 year old version of me took over the post. I had already been scared by the session, and having that happen in the blog post scared me even more.
Finally I just put my laptop under the couch because I couldn’t bear it anymore, the evidence of my DID was too much for me. Then, I don’t know why, I started feeling like I shouldn’t live, and I started having paranoid thoughts of homelessness. I’ve no idea why all that happened after the session. I had even had a a string of good days prior to Monday, but it seems like after that session I was a mess.
Thankfully I had the sense to call my friend Dan while I was in that state of despair. He stayed on the phone with me, got me to take a Xanax while I was on the phone with him, and then stayed on the line with me until I was in bed ready to fall asleep. He wanted me to come over and stay at his place, but it was late, and I didn’t want to pack my crap. Plus, I don’t think I was fit to drive, and I didn’t want him coming over here to get me at such a late hour.
I’m finally feeling better, BUT I have another session with Doc tomorrow, not to imply that Doc is the issue. I just start to wonder if it’s really okay to let the peeps out in therapy. We shall see. I can only wonder who, if anyone, will appear tomorrow in Doc’s office.