A strange blessing in alarming news …

In the throes of suicidal ideation I received a phone call from my bank’s risk management unit. Apparently, my debit card number was stolen, and suspicious charges were made in another part of the country that I have never set foot in my entire life. The charges were flagged as suspicious, and when I confirmed that they were not my charges they shut down my account. Sooo … I have to wait until tomorrow to get access to my account again.

In the mean time, I will be going to the grocery store with a credit card. It feels weird to charge groceries. But, I am thankful that it was caught in time, and that my funds are now safe.

I don’t know if it’s in bad taste to point this out, but the whole whoo-ha around this thing sprung me back to life. It’s kind of like came back to life. When I get that feeling of wanting to die it often feels like it’s not me, especially with the cacophony of voices in my head that tries to compel me to do awful things to myself.

It is so freaking weird how I feel like myself again. Geesh! Is it a blessing my debit card number was compromised?

I have a splitting headache, the kind that I recognize that’s associated with switches. Time to make a green smoothie.

In the midst of chaos, there’s hope

It wasn’t all bad news yesterday.

I went to my favorite place for brunch after church. (By the way, church was fine. None of the peeps got upset.) I don’t go to my favorite brunch place as much as I would like because it gets mad packed. But I wanted to eat there so I told myself I would persevere. It paid off. The hostess recognized me, and asked me if I would like a counter seat if one came up before a table. I said yes, then this bratty young woman next to me started trying to get the attention of the hostess because she wanted her to know that she and her boyfriend also wanted to eat at the counter if that came up first. She made a complete ninny menace of herself. I think because of that they ignored her. The staff knows me, and treats me well even though a good bit of time may pass between my visits. They ushered me over quickly to a counter seat, and, for some reason, they gave me my tea for free. I had the brunch special:

General’s Benedict (never heard of it, but it was tasty) – two biscuits with poached eggs, braised chicken, sauteed mushrooms, caramelized onions, and white sausage gravy (the Texan in me was thrilled that white gravy was on the menu!)

The  bratty girl and her boyfriend were still waiting for a table when I left. Ha!

When I finally was able to go to the laundromat to drop off my laundry the cashier gave me a wink-wink and charged me a lot less for my laundry than the scale read. She smiled, winked, and said something about taking care of regular customers.

Yesterday while I was flat on my back in bed trying not to feel so heavy, and trying to find the strength to get it together, a friend of mine texted me and helped me get out of my fog so that I could get things done. Vicki, if you’re out there, I freakin’ love you. I love you for being such an awesome friend, but, yesterday, I especially loved you for texting me helping me get out of the bad neighborhood that’s also known as my HEAD.

Even when the chips are down, the universe can still cut a person a break or two. Yesterday was proof of that.


Yet again I am stuck in my car. Finally dropped the laundry off, got my meds, stopped and had dinner. I am at Starbucks, but the damn place is full, not a place to sit.

I can’t go home right now because I will never make it back out to pick up my laundry in an hour. So, here I sit because I am too foggy to drive to the coffee shop just 2 minutes away. Blech.

I appreciate everyone who has commented, and made me feel less alone today. I am sorry I’ve not been good about replying to comments, but please know that they are read and appreciated more than you know.

It does not feel like there is going to be relief for me any time soon. This is half a life, not a full life.