Whoa to you, Mr. Lame Date

I really liked Mr. Lame Date. Of course, I did not know he was a lame date at the moment I became smitten with him. I won’t even call him a boyfriend because it was so short-lived. But it was passionate and, like many relationships in the early stage, full of promise. We had a lot in common, he made me laugh, and those boy-next-door looks of his did not hurt.

Inevitably, once you get past the fun pleasantries at the initial stages you have to start sharing the some of the real-life less than ideal crap that we have floating around in our lives. My floatie is my PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder. His is his ex-wife that has schizo-affective disorder.

After becoming close in a relatively short period of time he texted me today, yes, you read that right, he TEXTED me to say that he needs to “apply the brakes.” He finds me intelligent and “awfully interesting” (such an odd phrase), but he’s not ready to deal with someone who has similar issues to his ex-wife. Well, I didn’t know that PTSD and DID were similar to schizo-affective disorder!

It is sad to me that he’s made a broad generalization about my mental illness without knowing a whole lot about it. But, for me, the worst part is that I had him over to my apartment. I let very few people into my apartment, but I let him in because I really liked him.

So, Mr. Lame Date, to sum it up, you’re a first-class jerk. You knew I rarely let people into my apartment, but you persuaded me to have you over, and I allowed it. I allowed myself to get close to you, and incorrectly assessed you as one of the “good guys.” I was wrong. And perhaps most importantly, I regret giving you 4 of my freshly baked chocolate peanut butter cookies. You are so not worthy of such fine baking. Procurement of fine baked goods under false pretenses will inevitably backfire into bad karma.

The day after the meltdown

The day after the meltdown

I woke up and went to my second interview for that job in human resources.

The job was offered to me the very next day, and I accepted.

The day after the meltdown …

I turned 40 with the help of my best girl friends.

The guy I was dating flaked out on my birthday, but my girlfriends were there, and that is what matters.

The day after the meltdown …

It was clear to me that there can be a good morning after feeling so disastrous the previous night.

I knew my life was far from ideal, but I love it nonetheless.

Dipping a toe into the world of dating

Almost one week later I’m still seeing Jimmy, the guy I met last Saturday. At this point he knows the important highlights about me: the fact that I’m in sobriety, have PTSD and a dissociative disorder. He’s actually good with all of that as he’s a psychiatric nurse, so that partially explains his empathetic manner.

However, and here’s where I’m a bit cautious, I really think we may have a significant difference between us. I tend to stay out of my apartment as much as I can because I tend to lose time there. It’s odd, but I do better “out in the world” like hanging out a coffee shop, or going out to a diner. Whereas, he has such high anxiety that his default is staying home, and it sounds like he stays home a lot. He doesn’t travel, go see live music, or go on long car rides if he can help it. It seems like he stays home as much as he can.

Also, early this week he was texting me a number of times a day while I was at work. I did tell him that it was too much of a distraction to get that many texts during the work day. I also told him that I was feeling like it was too much too soon. To his credit, he’s giving me some more breathing space now.

I’m seeing him on Saturday. It’s actually kind of a challenge for us to come up with things to do because we’re so divergent in our preferences. I suggested live Celtic music, and he suggested a movie at his apartment. The compromise is going out to an ice cream stand near the airport to watch the planes take off. We’ll see how things go.