1 is the number of lives I have, at least as far as I know. Hence my efforts to stay on earth.
There are 2 choices, live or not. I get through the days of not wanting to live by thinking of the days where I’m glad I’m alive. I know they are around the corner, but I tend to forget that, and need to be reminded.
I have 3 kinds of pain: spiritual pain, physical pain and psychological pain.They each take turns in the front seat. On bad days all three take hold of me.
I am trying to avoid a 4th lifetime trip to the hospital. They are not healing places, just a rest stop for a hiatus of sorts. I do like the friends I make in those places though.
There are 5 children in my family of origin. I’m only close to one sibling, a sister. All of us are scattered across the country like debris leftover from a disaster.
I was 6 when my father chose his addictions over his family. I knew this when he broke my piggy bank for money.
We were a family of 7. Inevitably we were often seated at a large table in the middle of restaurants. This was a great place to showcase the shit show that would play out every time. My stepfather would invariably yell at my mother, “God damn it, Momma! Why did you make me spill that? Get me some napkins!” Red Lobster loved seeing us come in the door on Sundays.
It’s been 8 years since I’ve had a drink. Funny how a drinking problem found me, despite my childhood vow to not become my father.
This year will make 9 years of choosing a different road from that of my father. The person that gets me the most in this life is not a role model. My brain can get fuzzy from pondering this too long.
Don’t let any of the pain get to a 10, if it can be helped. Call a friend, get some acupuncture, and get yourself a dog this year. It’s been too long of a wait.
Today’s post is written in response to Today’s Daily Post.
such I touching post! I love your writing, and I just wanted to say congrats on 8 almost 9 years sober!
Congratulations on almost 9 years sober! I’ll celebrate 16 years smoke-free in February and I plan to mark the day by buying myself a new handbag. I buy something as an acknowledgement of the money I’ve saved by not smoking. Addictions are expensive.
Any kind of pain is miserable. I remember the psychic pain well, and sometimes have it revisit me after being triggered. I know now that it will pass. Obsessing about it gives it more power than it needs. Confronting the causes of the pain is the only way to permanently end it. When it overwhelmed me, I thought of escaping, but realized that I wanted to finish the series of novels I was writing, plus I had other ideas for novels, short stories, memoirs. You write well. Do you keep a journal? My journal was my staunchest friend because it was me spending time with me, understanding me, learning about me. Have you thought of writing a memoir? Whether you publish or not, it might be helpful and instructive.
You have made a series of very wonderful choice – very deliberate choices – that have gotten you to where you are today. And you will keep making them. To stay sober. To stay alive, To keep keeping on.
It’s a short story. Just like count one to ten. But I see a wonderful and inspiring life in you.